something on my mind

Sometimes you experience things, watch things, research things that cause an awakening within yourself...this awakening is needed, realizing that being sheltered you have indeed been protected, but have been protected in mind only and that by being awakened by what is really going on in our country you have NOT protected yourself, but have rather been complacent and ignorant to the freedoms and rights that are being more and more rapidly taken away. It's easy to be "comfortable" in the small worlds we create around ourselves, but know that these comfort zones are all the time becoming more fragile as those in power become more powerful and more corrupt with each passing election. do research, care about what is happening both close to home and in this great nation. I used to be apathetic about politics and the world outside of what I know to be "my life", but as I open my eyes to what is going on and educate myself what has happened in various events in the last fifty years, I find that my apathy is turning into sadness and anger at the fact we think we are powerless to change things. As long as we are apathetic we can't change things, I still have much to learn and educate myself on, please do the same, we can foster change if we throw off the apathetic attitude and educate ourselves as to the truth, the real truth, not Hollywood truth or government truth. I'm not even advocating one side or another, I'm just asking for a wake up, research, decide for yourself, but continually search for truth, I might be naive and still have much to learn, but am trying to educate myself, keep my eyes and ears open to make the best decisions I can for me, my family and my country.

That is all...just some things weighing on my mind tonight....

Tattoo number 2!

This has been a whirlwind year and I can't believe the first year of graduate school is over. I have really enjoyed being up in the North...most of the time anyway. It's when there is tons of snow on the ground that it starts getting a bit too me. 

Weather aside, I've really enjoyed school here, the professors are great and I've made some great friends.

There is the update here is the meaning behind my latest tattoo...

As of late I have been drawn more and more to using the circles in my work. Sometimes they are straight up and down, sometimes they shift to one side or the other, but they are always there.  I'm still trying to grasp the full meaning of what they mean to me.

Mainly, they represent the circle that is life, how things change all the time, yet you find yourself still the same in some ways.  These circles aren't perfect, just as life is not perfect.  A friend of mine introduced me a little to what the circles represent with Zen Buddhism and what the circle or the enso  meant within that Zen culture.  I have researched a little into this concept and have found:

...ensō symbolizes a moment when the mind is free to simply let the body/spirit create.  ...it shows the expressive movement of the spirit at that time. Zen Buddhists "believe that the character of the artist is fully exposed in how she or he draws an ensō. Only a person who is mentally and spiritually complete can draw a true ensō.

 I'm not necessarily trying to draw a true ensō, but I love that they believe that the true nature of the artist is shown through the attempt at making one.  The artist's process is so important to me it is our diary, our vulnerability. We don't usually like for people to watch how we work.The circles have become me, no matter which form they take, they are me and my true nature and the cycles my life has taken.

I tend to be a little obsessive compulsive and detail oriented about certain things. I notice cycles, circular moments in time, noticing when things are turning out they way they have before.  When printing I count the times I ink the roller, the times I roll up the plate, the number of revolutions to roll the press to print...these things all become the rhythm with me, my zone. These cycles just in printing relate themselves to the circles in my life. These cycles are alive, ever changing yet so many of the elements are the same. I get alot of personal satisfaction in creating these circles both emotionally and physically.

The physical fluid movement of painting these circles over and over again on paper is therapeutic for me as is the circular cycles of pulling a lithograph. These circles have become my "thing" so to speak.

...soooooo there is the reason for the circles tattoo...

The meaning behind my new and first ever tattoo

My new tattoo! and my first ever!

This last year and a half has been difficult to say the least. Through some bad decisions of my own as well as events beyond my control, a lot has happened both good and bad.

For you who know the details and have been there for me I can't thank you enough. I would not have made it through these last few months without you. I love all of you.

Here is the chorus to the song by one of my all time favorite bands, Killswitch Engage, behind my choice of tattoo:

Through adversity, there is redemption

With passion, fighting

I am unbroken.

I have the words adversity and redemption on my chest, I will be getting passion and fighting on my inner biceps or down the back of my arm, and then will be getting I am unbroken with a design on my back.

This song has spoken to me and means so much to me with what has gone on in my life. I have dealt with adversity, and through passion and fighting back, I am unbroken.

As I go to Pennsylvania in August to begin work on my MFA, I am going to use my passion for art to fight being broken and will come through a stronger, better woman.

Thank you all,

court

UNBROKEN,

Killswitch Engage

Go!
Forever falling, Into oblivion

The darkness crawls forward

It engulfs, my will to live

Fear is failure

And this is my motivation

Take back what was stolen

Reclaim all that's lost

With virtue, I will rise up from the ruins

C'mon!
Through adversity, there is redemption
With passion, fighting

I am unbroken

Through adversity, there is redemption

With passion, fighting

I am unbroken!

Take back what was stolen

Embrace the cycle

Refuse to turn back now and be led astray

Fear is failure

And this is my affirmation

Through adversity, there is redempton

with passion, fighting

I am unbroken

Through adversity, there is redemption

with passion, fighting

I am unbroken!

The absense of fear, is the renewal of ourself

The absence of doubt, breeds desire

If there is truth to face

I will design it

I will not be denied!

I will not be denied!